Playthings of Mad Gods

The Moving Mansion of Mortimer The Magnificent Magus

Introduction

Far away, on a hill you can see a Magnificent Mansion, sparkling with octarine. As you try to assess a path towards it, you notice that it is slowly getting closer.

This is not a hexfill, even if it is a location. It is also not a dungeon, even if it has described rooms. Instead, it is an encounter, and a point of light in the darkness of your average map. An interesting place that you may want to place in your world with minor adjustments, in order to see what madness it may cause.

Backstory

Mortimer The Magnificent Magus has a giant problem. The Lord has placed a great tax on all buildings with enough size - in fact, it was directly aimed at Mortimer, trying to get the Magician to pay up, as he didn't own much land, instead focusing all of his wealth in a Magical Mansion, full of Means of Making. Mortimer The Magnificent has a great solution. Given that the tax applies to buildings and not to vehicles, he has enchanted the foundations to slowly slide across the countryside.

With such great solutions, as always, new problems emerge: peasants suing over damaged crop; Mason's Guild suing over doing their craft without their licence; and worst of all, The Church claiming that since the vehicle is constantly moving, it needs to be blessed every week, each time requiring a new payment.

Location

The Mansion's movement is not quick - about a league a day, or an hour of human's walking a day. Currently it is moving across pasture-land, after plowing through four villages to get there (the inhabitants have pledged revange, and are sharpening their pitchforks and dousing their torches in oil, but will not strike until they see an opportune time due to their fear of the wizard's powers).

If you're using a hexmap - place it as a possible encounter in a table, then trace its location as long as players remain in range of 1 league, in which case it returns to being a random encounter. If you're using a point-crawl, the distance from other nodes to this place is variable, using a roll each time someone wants to make the trip.

Exterior

The mansion has three floors, and is painted in psychedelic patterns on the outside. Smoke coming out of the chimney has smiliar patterns on it, forming clouds of colour swirling through the air. The mansion's guarded not by Men, but by 4 Wind Spirits (see stats) - one for each cardinal direction. The strange winds may be noticed by anyone nearby, and seen by Wizards. The windows are half-silvered mirrors - each has a 1-in-4 chance of having a magical spell in the glass, cursing the person who breaks it with 7 days of disadvantage on all saving throws. At the top of the mansion, there is a giant magical cannon with the face of a devil at its ending - it is more of a siege weapon, but if fired at a group of soldiers, they must all save or die as their friends are torn apart by flames and ghostly shrapnel. Same with any walls. Recharged with the sacrifice of a black goat, in a ceremony that takes up 6 hours.

Interior

Everything that could have the letters MP placed on it has them. The insides are wealthy - some tacky, other classy. There is a sense of incongrouence, and some rooms seem a bit weird geometrically - that is due to the magic that fills this place. The walls are out of solid brick, and going through them is hard, if possible with enough force.

First Floor

The First Floor is mostly dedicated for the more practical reasons, allowing the higher floors to stand on its shoulders. That being said, it contains parts meant for the Magicians, as well as their guests - they are located in different parts of the floor than the ones meant for the servantry, so that they are undisturbed. It is patrolled by 8 Clockwork Guards, divided into 4 pairs. It is divided into:

  1. Servant's Quarters Two large rooms with bunk beds, divided by sex. Linen bedsheets, timetables and various equipment needed to keep the mansion clean. There's also a small bathroom. There are 20 servants working in the mansion - they are paid well for their work. If an alarm is raised, this is where the servants will hide.
  2. The Textile Mill An important source of Mortimer's wealth, an enchanted loom is weaving Air and Flame into a fiber of a magical material, which when woven into a cloth is light and almost completely translucent, and yet it is quite strong and (crucially for the dwarves, who are important customers) a great insulator of both heat and lightning. It is constantly fed by a servant who shovels wood into the furnace, and works the bellows. There are usually ~2d10 square meters of this material here ready for sale, with 3 needed to make a single coat. The fabric sells for 150 GP per square meter due to the high demand.
  3. Kitchen and Pantry Outfitted with magical pieces of equipment, it allows the cook to make dishes unheard of in other places; they act like modern kitchen appliances. The pantry is stocked with enough food to last 25 people for a year, as well as 20 bottles of good wine (each worth 20 GP) and spices worth 250 GP together. The devices will not work when taken out of the mansion.
  4. Orangery A glass-roofed annex, with dozens of fruiting plants inside, with medicinal herbs growing at their roots. It allows the inhabitants of the mansion to enjoy fresh fruits any time of the year, made all the more succulent by the magical fertilizers made by Mortimer. Also sometimes used to entertain guests, by showing them the flowers.
  5. Workshop A room with a forge, as well as any set of tools you could need in such a mansion. Anything non-magical that can be fixed, can be fixed here. A young clockwork mechanic is usually found here, constructing new machines for her master's entertainment. Mechanical birds, games and toys, constantly remade as novelties. She likes always being provided with her tools and the needed resources for her art, and hates leaving this place. Her writings, if used by someone who intends to use her knowledge for more than curiosities and oddities, could be used to transform how war is waged and work is done.
  6. Infirmery White tile, smell of strong alcohol. A doctor is hired here, an old man kept alive by a steady diet of whiskey and pickles. There are medical devices here that allow for complex surgery (by the setting's standard), as well as 3 emergency healing potions (3d4 HP healed, stabilize any number of mortal wounds) and a hidden panel with a testoglyph hidden behind (regular exposure may be used to masculinize a person; it is also why Mortimer enters this room through a secret passage from his bedroom each day, at exactly 07:10, using it under doctor's supervision)
  7. Stables There are three horses located here: Bucephalus (3 HD, black, warhorse, hates everything), Galadriel (2 HD, white, racehorse, flees from any danger even if the rider is out) and Daisy (2 HD, red, intelligent for a horse). The horses are always kept ready for riding, so that
  8. Armory 8 replacement arquebuses, 10 spears for the servantry to protect themselves in case of an attack, a keg of gunpowder and a masterwork sword, well-maintained. It has never tasted blood. Not yet.
  9. "Torture Room" Accessible only through a hidden panel in the Purple Lodge. Contains various restraints, blunt knives, and other tools of pleasure as well as pain. Ocasionally used by Mortimer and Patricia, as well as their guests. It was never used for actual torture, even if it is made to look like that. The walls are completely soundproof.
  10. Ascending/Descending Stairs Made out of a pink marble, covered in a rug depicting angels and demons in a way that makes the angels visible while you move up, while the demons are visible while going down. Visible immediately from the Grand Entrance. The walls are painted on, with depictions of geometric patterns lifted straight from a magician's chalkboard.
  11. Grand Entrance A foyer with more columns than architecturally nescessary, or wise. It also contains 8 strangely realistic sculptures of terrified humanoid figures, labeled with just names, but they are not people that you recognize (they are actual sculptures, just made and presented in a misleading manner).
  12. Purple Day Room This room's windows are tinted purple, it contains a fireplace, several comfortable chairs, a sculpture out of purple glass, a sofa and a purple floating wisp, serving as a source of light - it follows the people around, so as to provide them with light (it is an illusion, returning in 1d6 turns after being destroyed by any touch). The walls and the sofa are not actually purple, as Mortimer couldn't actually figure out a synthetic purple dye (luckily, as it would have caused great madness across the markets).
  13. Cat Room The mansion has 10 cats, both for getting rid of mice as well as companionship (but mostly the second part, as Patricia loves them openly, and Mortimer feigns disinterest as the cats sit on him). The room contains their food bowls, their litterboxes, as well as a couch and several shelves. The cats are well-fed, and allowed to wander throughout the mansion.
  14. Smoking Room A room with yellow wallpapers and a yellow-painted celling, as well as wide windows that let in lots of light. It has four armchairs around a table, on which a hookah stands. There are all kinds of interesting substances stored in cabinets that line the walls of this room, from various strains of tobbacco, through cannabis, all the way to pickled exotic frogs whose vapours cause hallucinations. Together, the drugs are worth 250 GP.
  15. Boiler Room A great brass contraption of boiling water and whistling steam ensures that the whole mansion is warm throughout the year, the floors so warm that you can walk barefooted. It contains a retractable giant brass stinger that may be used to stab into the ground to drive out water to replace what is lost. Plumbing throughout the mansion may be controlled from here, by using a dozen different valves.

Second Floor

The second floor is dedicated to guests, as well as to various activities that Mortimer and Patricia can partake in. As mechanical soldiers would be a bit too obvious to patrol them, instead they are guarded by 4 Shadows, kept in check by the power of the Godling on the third floor. If it is killed, they will proceed to attack anyone nearby, and all servants will soon be turned into Shadows.

  1. Guest Rooms Five rooms, with a two-person bed each. Each is luxuriantly comfortable, with a wardrobe and its own toilet. The rooms each have a different colour scheme: Black, White, Green, Blue and Orange. They also each have a portrait of Mortimer and Patricia, with peepholes hidden in the frames. The peepholes lead to a hidden pathway to the third floor stairs.
  2. Dining Room A simple and elegant room, with nothing to distract from the aroma and the look of the food. The light may be completely controlled (as it comes from a Light-Bulb, powered by the Godling above, just one of many experiments of Mortimer), the chairs are simple but comfortable, and the table is covered with a white tablecloth. The tableware is made out of ivory. Connected by a small (1 person can fit but really cramped) hand-powered elevator to the kitchen.
  3. Game Room A room with a large table covered in green cloth, with boxes of various games inside; those include chess, wargames, various decks of cards and other games imported from all around the world. Mortimer and Patricia like to invite others (especially experienced military leaders) over to play against in their campaigns. Patricia has a reputation of being absolutely fierce at them.
  4. Dressing room The room where outfits are held: multiple dresses of Patricia, several sets of robes of Mortimer, furs for the winter as well as Mortimer's collection of wizard hats. In a hidden compartment there is a set of chainmail armour, well-maintained, together with the banner of Clíodhna The Cold, Conqueress of The Cindrian Canyons.
  5. Ballroom This room is grand, in fact it is two times larger on the inside than the outside - another of Mortimer's experiments. It has a checkered floor out of black and white marble. It contains a harpischord, a violin, a cello, a viola and an oboe. It also contains a large floating table, which may be affixed to the floor to make the Ballroom into a great dining hall, or a warroom. In fact, there are rolled-up maps hidden in the legs of the table, which may be twisted off.
  6. Pools Based on an ancient bathhouse, this room contains four small pools: one is hot, one is icy, one is warm, and the final one (the smallest) contains various alchemical concoctions meant to bring health and to magically remove scars, replenished each week using herbs from . The whole place smells like herbs due to the final bath. If one spends an hour a day for 7 days using this place, they gain a +1 modifier to reaction rolls made towards them, until their skin is marred again by damage.
  7. Red Room Red plush chairs, a red sofa, a fireplace. Here Mortimer invites over wizards from across the realm each month on the 13th day, in order to discuss the current matters, share spells and rituals, as well as get drunk/high together and remember the good old times. For each soiree there are 2d4 guests from "The Society of Red Wizards" present. At other times, it is used as a normal day room.
  8. Library Green armchairs, covered in floral patterns fill a reading room, connected to a set of bookshelves. Within, 300 books (worth 100 GP each to a collector, each takes up 2 slots) are chained up, on matters starting from medicine, through law, all the way to tomes of poetry. Many scholars would kill for access to the books within.
  9. Stairs These lead up, to the tallest floor of the mansion. There is a warning written here "Do not attempt to go up, for there are Great Beasts and Horrible Curses waiting for any intruders up there".
  10. Art Gallery The walls are painted white, the columns are simple. Everything else that you can see in this room is beautiful. There are 30 paintings, starting from small portraits all the way to a great scene of battle that takes up half of one of the wall. In the middle, abstract sculptures stand that would be seen as blasphemous by both priests as well as artisians. The price of the artwork is highly unpredictable.

Third Floor

Here, only Mortimer and Patricia are permitted to be. The floor is made out of wood, with the planks made specifically to be squeaky so that no one can sneak up on them.

  1. Stairs The stairway leading to the third floor is small and spiralled, guarded by a Sphynx at the top, in a room with doors to the other rooms of this floor. It is decorated with the walls covered in slightly glowing runes (they contain various riddles written).
  2. Master's Bedroom The walls are covered in tapestries, depicting powerful acts of magic changing the world, as well as armies marching across various places. If you look away, the patterns slightly change. In the middle, there is a grand bed that could fit five people, covered in silken sheets. Under the pillow there is a hidden dagger. On the frame of the bed, there is a hidden pistol (1d10 damage, one shot).
  3. The Chapel A larval form of a God or an Idea is a Godling. Moritmer has captured one in a floating fetus, bound with ropes out of Divine Blood (as provided by Patricia), leaden chains and a ritual circle out of Blackstone stolen from a lich's tomb. He forces it to serve as a source of power for his mansion using its true name - Crushes Weaklings With Incredible Power. Mortimer is convinced that he is doing something good by stoping such a God from arising into the world. If it is killed or freed, most magics bound to this place break down, including the mansion's movement, the rooms that are larger on the inside, as well as the spells that keep the protectors of the mansion in their place.
  4. Mortimer's Sanctum A large magical labolatory, with 5 books of magical spells (with Balance Humours, Scrying Water, Summon Otherworldly Beings, Curse of Contamination and ** contained within), as well as a ritual circle out of gold and copper, advanced alchemical equipment and a set of various ritual components (if a spell or a ritual requires a common component, it may be found here. If it is uncommon, it has a 2-in-6 chance of already being here). There is a scroll on the desk with a ritual described within, one that allows you to make
  5. The Observatory A large metal onion, with a great telescope inside. It may be turned using a set of cranks and valves, with multiple filters allowing for observation of different stars. There are multiple notes throughout this place, describing a theory of how the sun seems to be the center of the universe, with Earth and the planets moving around it in elipses. Any horoscope made with the observatory gives useful information for the following month (may be used once to reroll a check or force a non-hostile encounter).

Stats

Wind Spirit

2 HD, AC as Scale, attacks with either hailstones (1d6 non-lethal) or gusts of wind (save or drop prone and get thrown 5 m away). Invisible, flying. Bound to this plane by a rose of winds painted on the roof, will return in 2d6 turns if killed and the rose is not destroyed. Aware of any breathing creature within 250 m, will raise alarm if they see anyone trying to break in or scale the building, but will not react to a person who just calmly approaches the door. As intelligent as a particularly stupid chimpanzee, and have a similarly vile sense of humour.

Clockwork Guard

4 HD, AC as Plate, armed with an Oversized arquebus (2d8 damage, if hit save or drop prone, takes 30 seconds to reload) and a cutlass (1d8 damage). Blind, but has excelent hearing that allows it to aim at nearby targets. Recognizes people by their voice - may ask you to "introduce yourself". If it does not recognize you, and there are no authorized people next to you, or you behave agressively or try to flee, it raises alarm and tries to remove you from the mansion; first with threats, then with violence. Mindless, follows set paths. After it stops hearing a threat, it instantly forgets it and returns to its routine. If it hears something suspicious, it tries to order it to introduce itself while approaching.

Shadow

1! HD(Supernatural HD, AC as Leather, Armed with Draining Hands (1d4 STR temporarily drained on hit, if STR goes below 0 this way, the person is killed and their shadow joins the Shadows). Unable to touch someone who casts no shadow (either due to several bright light sources, or complete darkness). They return at dusk if destroyed, unless they are burned with holy fire (as holy water, but fire, carried in an unbroken chain of torches or lamps from a temple).

Souls destroyed in a reaction that splits their nucleus, changed into a silently howling spectre, trying to feel a bit of piece by stealing stability from living humans. If unbound they attack the nearest person out of desperation - in the mansion, however, they are bound by a powerful spell. They can only attack a person harbouring ill intent towards Mortimer or Patricia. This doesn't mean a person who just dislikes them, but one that actively plans to hurt them (including theft).

Sphynx

5! HD(Supernatural HD, AC as Plate+1, Armed with Claws That Rend (as axes, attacks two times), Puzzling Bite (as dagger, those hit are confused and will target random targets with their actions in combat, until they find the answer to the sphynx's riddle).

A stone figure the size of a lion, imported from Cindrian Canyons. She the head of a human, the body of a lion, and the wings of an eagle, and she is made out of yellow sandstone. She has meat on the inside, which becomes visible when damaged.

She is intelligent and a good conversationist - she follows Mortimer and guards his quarters out of instinct that a Sphynx has, as well as out of geniuine sympathy due to their shared love of riddles. She asks a riddle of anyone who comes in, and will let the person through - she is ashamed of that, but that's what the rules of her being require.

Here are example riddles she may ask:

Patricia The Pretty

4 HD, AC as Scale+1 (wears enchanted undergarnments that are as hard as steel or as soft as silk depending on what is neeeded, and do not chafe), armed with Yig's Fang (dagger+1, anyone hit must save or die in 1d4 rounds due to poison, if the save is passed they instead only pass out after 1d4 rounds, returning to their senses after 1d4 days). Spells cast against her have a 1-in-4 chance of fizzling out.

Dresses in gossamer dresses, having four favourites based on the parts of the year. Incredibly beautiful, takes good care of her red hair and pale white skin. Even so, if examined carefully you can see the hidden scars on all of her body, as well as the powerful muscles. She walks like a warrior, and if she loses her temper she drops her usually pleasant demeanor to reveal a hardened veteran.

She is cunning, calculating and ambitious, as well as passionate and nurturing. She is exactly the type of a person you want to be your friend, not your enemy. She sometimes makes various vague hints that she was kidnapped by Mortimer and forced to marry him to the people of the surrounding lands - this is a ruse. She'll gladly pretend to conspire with anyone who tries to act against him, only to betray at the key moment. She is here of her own volition, having married Mortimer both out of love and to hide from her past.

Patricia is not her actual name; that being Clíodhna The Cold, Conqueress of The Cindrian Canyons. She used to be a powerful adventurer-princess, having carved out a fiefdom in the fertile valleys of Cindria before being forced to flee as her lands were encroached upon by The Empire. She claims that one of her grandparents is a god of war, which would explain both her resistance towards magic, as well as her longevity(she is 53, and yet looks like she is in her early 20s) and acumen in the manners of warfare. She is now planning on creating another fiefdom, once she can get the region destabilized enough that she can step in and take power.

She genuinely cares for people around her - she just thinks that she is the only person who can properly lead them, with anyone else leading to chaos. She loves Mortimer, seeing him as one of few people who are equal to her.

Mortimer The Mercurial Miracle-Maker

5! HD(Supernatural HD due to a protective spell that warps space around him coming from his amulet, 2 HD if it is broken(like by destroying all the HD, or a specifically designed counterspell)), 4 MD (usually holds Invisible Servant, Hold Person, Magic Missile, Escape Plan), carries Bag of Random Bullshit (holds 3 uses per day, each use can be used to either grab an item inside, or throw it at an enemy. If the item is grabbed it grants one random result as a boon to the user, while if thrown at someone it causes them one random harm. To generate a random result you pull out, consult this website - Random Noun Generator) with him and uses it when in danger. If everything else fails, he breaks a bundle of cursed sticks he holds in the pocket of his robe, unleashing 6 demons (as bear) trapped inside and trying to bolt it in the ensuing chaos. Unarmored, unarmed.

Dressed in a robe that looks like it was woven out of midnight sky (it is actually linen enchanted with an illusion), carrying a large bag at his belt. He wears a great black beard and mustache, his whole body covered in slightly glowing tattoos that stop his aging and treat any diseases that arise in his body.

He behaves in a theatrical way, but despite his unorthodox way of thinking, he is a man focused on resolution of his problems. He is a practical man chasing impractical goals; while focused on securing his mansion for now, he has about half a dozen different projects getting equal love from him. He loves Patricia and will kill without hesitation to save her.

Humans are about as important to him as cats are to you - your own are important, the rest are interesting and amusing but ultimately unimportant. That does not mean that he underestimates mortals, however, just like you wouldn't underestimate a bear. I hope.

1d8 Example Reasons to Go To This Place

1 Learn magic from Mortimer 2 Start buying up the fabric from the Mill and selling it to anyone who'll pay good money. 3 Try to get Mortimer to stop being a menace to society (almost impossible) 4 Heist for the great wealth hidden within 5 Get Mortimer's head to show to all his enemies, to get many, many new friends throughout the whole region 6 Get hired if you want to retire from adventuring. 7 Try to save Patricia from her wicked captor! (impossible, given the true nature of their relationship) 8 Pet every cat in the mansion.

Post Scriptum

Goddamned wizards! No sense of right or wrong!

So I return, with a higher effort post than my previous ones were! I will probably continue to do it like that, as it is just better.

#Location #Other