Playthings of Mad Gods

Local Deities of the Barony of Seasalt, Divided by A Scholar Of Divinity, Including The Kind Forbidden By The Church

(If a creature has an exclamation mark after the number of their HD, it means that they are using Supernatural Hit Dice)

There are many deities worshipped in the Lordship of Seasalt - much to the anger of The Church of The Authority. Most people worship a mix of them, either out of reverence or because of fear. One can divide them into five groups:

Authority:

The leading god of the Kingdom, the lord of totality, the king of Gods (self proclaimed), the master of order. He is worshipped as the giver of laws, and the worship is managed by The Church. The worship of the Authority is mandated by the Kingdom's laws, and he demands to be treated as a supreme deity. His church also requires a tenth of all things produced by the people, which further leads to religious tensions between the townspeople (who almost all genuinely worship authority) and the village folk, who worship him only because they are forced to. Likes: Tithing to the church, helping to spread the church, keeping laws, observing holy days and general prayer. Hates: Necromancy, worshipping other gods above him, breaking laws, blasphemy.

He usually acts through intermediaries like his priests (who see visions in the incense that command them) and angels, if the earlier fails. He rarely does direct miracles.

Stats: N/A. If your players want to kill a Yahweh Analogue, go ahead and play Nobilis.

Trade Gods

Trade Gods are Gods worshipped by members of various trades - most trades have one, wheather they be clothmakers or smiths. These gods are mostly worshipped only by a handful of people and kept a mystery. Here are some of the more prominent ones within the lordship:

Shirashar - The Fiery Lady

A fiery salamander living in a cave in the cliff on the coast, she has power over fire and vulcanism, sleeping on a vein of occultum ore. She began being worshipped two hundred years ago, and has since fattened so much, that she can not move, stuck filling her cave. Even so, she is fed by the local smiths who bring her coal and oil every night, in return gaining her blessings. She has two eggs within her lair that will emerge as dragons if put in a fire that burns a person alive and 2000 GP in various trinkets made out of precious metals scattered around her lair. Stats: 6 HD, 16 AC, fiery aura (when she is angry everyone in 30 m takes 1d6 fire damage a turn as everything around her cooks), 4 MD (knows create fire, plasma bolt, fireball, bless craftsperson, fabricate, stir vulcanism). She can also teach how to make artifacts.

Bloody John - The Saint of Razor and Lancet

A figure sometimes seen in the background when a Barber-Surgeon saves someone's life with his knife and saw, or when they pull out a rotten tooth from a child. He is a strong man with a long black beard covered in blood, holding a saw in one hand, and a lock of hair in another. He is the patron of barbers, who burn offerings of cut hair covered in blood in hidden shrines. He is a servant of The Authority, although his cult is sometimes seen as heretical by various priests, and so he prefers to remain hidden. Stats: 3! HD, can only be hurt by weapons covered in fresh diseased blood (has 10 AC against these). Otherwise intangible. Armed with Lancet (as dagger, but those hit lose 0.5 l of blood). 3 MD (knows teleport, cure injury, bleed, treat disease)

Smokey Dave - The Savior of Charcoal

Every bandit who lives in the general area knows not to attack Charcoal Men - those who burn wood deep in the local forests are off-limits, even if they earn much due to their trade. This is because of the ghost of the Smokey Dave, who is said to attack anyone who takes their hand upon a coalman on the job. He was killed by a group of drunk bandits thirty years ago, but not before he broke the "furnace" that he made apart, causing a roaring fire that killed his murderers. From then on, bandits were sometimes found with their faces covered in tar and their hands burnt to charcoal, and children say of the smouldering man who led them home after they got lost. Every year on the anniversary of his death the coalmen arrive on his grave, leaving offerings of bread covered in ashes and bottles of mead with a drop of tar. The next day the offerings always disappear, leaving only charred remains. Stats: 4! HD, AC as Leather, carries a spear that is constantly smoldering. Any time a coalman is attacked in the forest, he has 20% chance of arriving. He creates an aura of choking fumes around him that he can control (they cause 1 point of damage each turn to any creature he decides to hurt and anyone inside is treated as blind). 2 MD (knows wood to tar, shower of sparks)

Arna - The Weaving Spider

The patron of clothmakers, tailors and weavers, she takes the form of a spider the size of a pig, each arm ending with a hand that holds a needle or her string. She is worshipped by the Spinstress Guild and many women who learn her rituals from her members, by embroidering making spider and web motifs on cloth they create and by bringing her food and new clothes for her to tear apart and then remake. She hides in the basement under the Spinstress Guild, which is filled with sacred silk that she creates, each bale more perfect than the previous one. Stats: 3 HD, 4 attacks per turn (each deals d6 damage), tries to entangle a single person per turn (save or become tied up), 2 MD (knows weave cloth, unweave cloth, and the secrets of making cloth from anything that is made out of fibers).

Milly - The alcoholic fish

A being known only by the local brewers, Milly is said to be a fish that swims through beer in casks, preferring the best brews and only making them better. She is recognized by the bubbling sound coming from a barrel, and the best brewers know how to find it and they can sell the enchanced beer at a premium. All the local brewers try to attract her by putting strange substances in their brews, with varying results. Stats: 1 HD, 2 MD (knows enhance bevrage, teleport through bevrage)

Darned Coop - Cooper's nightmare

A tiny gnome dressed in an even tinier barrel, he is both hated and worshipped by the local coopers who cover their barrels with oils for protection. He sabotages inferior barrels and steals their contents, while leaving well-made barrels alone, or even engraving his visage on them, as a mark of quality. Stats: 1 HD, 3 MD (knows invisibility, magic sign, apportation)

Iram - Soldier's Friend

A deity brought by the Knight's soldiers with them, he takes the form of an idol from another land, made of stone and covered in gems. He is worshipped by a monotonous song, that as long as it is kept up, helps the singing soldier march or ignore pain. They also bring broken weapons as tribute - he remains in a secluded chamber in the castle, where there are hundreds of broken weapons thrown at his foot. He smiles when a great soldier approaches him. Stats: 3 HD, attacks against him automatically hit, 3 MD (knows Remove Fatigue, stop pain, strengthen warrior and can cast them on anyone who sings his song).

Hans, the fat pig

A literal pig that has lived over one hundred years, the source of prosperity for the village of Redcreek. He has grown to an enormous size, bigger than a bear. He has also fathered hundreds of other pigs, each with echos of his godly nature. Farmers pay good money in order to be able to feed him with various tasty foods (he really likes to drink brown beer) and to take a bit of his manure to mix in with their fertilizers, as he is said to bless those who feed him. He is also an avid seeker of truffles, although he most often eats almost all that he finds. A priest has once demanded that he is slaughtered and was carried back to the town, after the local folks covered him in tar and feathers. Stats: 4 HD, 14 AC due to his fat and muscle, 4 MD (knows nitrate the earth, fatten cattle, oink of lust, find food and find person)

Measurer's Council - Stonemason's Judges

After a local stonemason's pub has collapsed, the spirits of the dead builders are said to watch over the living, making sure that each new building is built up to standard. Those who build new structures in Seasalt have strange dreams, where they can see moving lines of unknown geometries that inspire them to put in extra load-bearing pillars and walls. The stonemasons honour their dead collegues by rituals during each equinox, pouring bear on their graves and breaking stones over them, divining from how the stones break. Those who fly over the villages can notice that the roads between them start to form a strange symbol...

Stats: Does not apply. 5 MD (knows cause dream, inspire builder, strengthen materials, and all that is to be known about architecture and building).

Davy Jones - Shipmaking Soldier

He was drowned six times and lived, his body ending up under the waves only after the seventh one - but Salt did not manage to keep his soul, as he clawed his way out of the foam and onto the land. He is constantly fighting against the elements by helping the local shipmakers and fishermen to strike out into the sea. He is depicted as a bloated body covered in seaweeds, and this is the form that is sometimes seen in the dock at night, working on the new ships. Shipmakers talk about him only in whispers, and only when the sea is not in their sight, for they do not want to anger the gods of the sea.

Stats: 5 HD, 12 AC, wielding a harpoon that struck into Salt and is still covered in its "blood" (permanently drains 1d4 constitution in addition to the damage). 4 MD (knows bring ship to safety, strengthen wood, lighten the load)

The Baked Boy

The bakers are a curious bunch, with their recipies passed through families for generations, together with small rituals and strange myths. Some report that they saw a child's face in the fire, and when they extinguished the fire they could find none, and the bread was great (some of those who report it have kept it as starter for the future, and their bread is, indeed, of high quality). Others talk about how they saw him Mending furnaces at night, or inspecting bread for mold, a boy made out of pieces of bread that have fallen into the fires. Now, a loaf from each baking is put back into the fire as a sacrifice, to make sure that all the other will be of high quality.

Stats: 2 HD, 10 AC, 4 MD (knows Summon Yeast, Furnace Teleport and Mending).

Saint Joe Sawman

A carpenter from seasalt, who has led a long live of building and making furniture. He lived an unremarkable, if virtuous life, and so it was a surprise for many of his old apprentices when he has arrived at their homes, reminding them to stay virtuous and to donate part of their proceeds to the poorest among them. Now, a carpenter is sometimes visited by the Old Man, who shows him the error of his way both in carpentry, as well as in general life. These visits always change their lives, for better or worse.

Stats: 2! HD, 12 AC, 4 MD (knows Shape Wood, See Sin, Invisibility)

Hidden One

God of thieves, said to have stolen a page from Authority's Book of Laws to rewrite himself into a being that may never be caught. Now he is often chased, but never caught by angels sent to unmake him, just like the common criminal is often chased by both guards and their victims alike. He takes care of those who are abandoned by everyone else.

Stats: 5 HD, 12 AC, 4 MD (knows Invisibility, Blink, Snatch Item, Remove Memory). May not be caught by anyone, and will always succeed at fleeing.

Nature Gods

These are the deities who were here before there were names. They are the gods of blood and semen, those who are far below and above worship. Still, they do accept sacrifices in return for leaving the encroaching civilisation alone, and they accept worship from those who abandon it. Their worship is prosecuted by the church, even as they fill every tree, every animal and every blade of grass. They are too many for me to list them here, instead I'll just say that the wise folk of the villages know how to deal with them, regardless of what the church says, through sacrifices and ceremonies of blood and herbs, in the ancient stone circles made by the ancestors of their ancestors. Every larger population of animals creates its nature gods - even plants do, sometimes.

Example stats:

Chtonic Gods

Deep below the earth, there is both wealth and danger to be found, but both require toil. There are many miners in Seasalt who try their luck in their haphazard tunnels that move into the earth, each strike of their pickaxe bringing them closer to both wealth and flooding. Many die, but there are always new fools who come to replace them. The miners have their secrets too - they can sometimes hear whispers and scratching against the other sides of the walls of their mines, and if they dig into another tunnel, they know to collapse the entrance before they hear the screaming. There are gods underground too, and they require their sacrifices. Every three years, a single young boy disappears from the mining towns, and no one says a word. The miners are often in much worse mood afterwards, and drink themselves to the brink of death to stop the guilt.

Clicking God

The first thing you notice is the clicking sound, long before it enters the little light of your lanterns. It is a mass of chitinous legs, armour and bug's eyes. Its legs clicking against the walls, leaving characteristic marks. It doesn't care about you, moving through the tunnels as if you weren't there. It is always as large as the tunnel it moves through. It is coming your way. The miners leave small offerings of dead animals to it, painting the walls of the tunnels with blood so that it will decide to go elsewhere. It seems to work, somewhat.

Stats: 7 HD, 16 AC, 4 Attacks (each deals 1d12 damage, as it tears apart the flesh and consumes it). Slower than a running human.

Floating God

You do not see this God. You can see the flames flicker blue, you can hear the ringing, but you can not see It. You will choke, and your flames will consume your flesh, but you will not see it nor smell it. The miners are afraid of the Floating God, looking out for ringing and blue flames; they flee often, although not often enough, as corpses are sometimes found, either charred remains or completely untouched, as if sleeping. The Floating God only feeds off their fear.

Stats: 4! HD (may only be wounded by things that can harm a gaseous being, with flames being one of these things), 10 AC, Attacks by poisoning, muddlying senses and spreading flames. 3 MD, knows Illusory Terrain, Confusion, Fireball

Burrowing God

The Miners sometimes strike into empty chambers and tunnels with their pickaxes. They find their walls covered in teeth-marks, with veins of ore visible on their sides, the ground covered in pieces of rubble. The Burrowing God is what makes them, seeking out ore and making its way to it. It is a wrathful God, and it demands sacrifices; a boy every 3 years. If they are not made, the whole region will suffer from terrible earthquakes; the miners worship it regardless, as one of the few gods that brings not just fear, but also bounty.

Stats: 9 HD, 16 AC, when in front of it and it charges at you, save or die. If you are behind it and it sprays rubble at you, take 2d6 damage each round (save for half). It knows the location of ore under the barony.

Sea Gods

The alien gods of an alien place, into which land dwellers are only briefly able to intrude. The sea gods have no real names, any attempt to lock them within names is futile. They are forces of nature, which arose not out of worship but terror felt by the simplest and oldest forms of life within the sea. Their minds may not be understood by humans, but their alien motives may be approximated - the fishermen know the "names" of the gods, as well as their general behaviour. Even as the church tries to stop them, they keep their good luck charms and their rituals, so that the gods will leave them alone.

Dark

The Dark is usually the least encountered of the Sea Gods, its gifts reserved for the most defiant seekers of forbidden knowledge. It lairs within the deepest trenches, observing the phenomenae of Deep Time, sometimes raising to the surface at night to observe Deep Space. Humanity is just a blip to it, another of passing civilizations to be catalogued in its ancient duty, before it may return to much more interesting rocks and fossils.

Its form is that of a giant albino eel, covered in red, glowing, undecipherable writing. When it surfaces, the only way to anger it is to swim above it, blocking its view of the night sky - thus, fishermen and mariners tend to avoid the colour red while on the sea. The only way to placate it(if angry) or gain its blessings (if not) is by offerings of rare minerals or fossils (it especially likes those from distant lands). Within its gut there are fossils and gems worth a king's ransom, collected over millennia.

Stats: 6 HD, AC as Leather, its attacks swallow the target if successful - treat any caught person as incapacitated and drowning. If the ship is struck, it instead remains locked in place as if anchored for 2d6+2 days (laying this curse is usually enough to stop being angry) 6 MD, knows Darkness, History, Burning Truth(save or scratch out your eyeballs), See through Stone, Read Portents. If killed, it retreats into dreams for 2d6 weeks, causing a wave of madness throughout Seasalt. If killed in dreams, it disappears completely.

Storm

The black clouds over Seasalt have an inhabitant. During the dire storms that wrack the coast, among the clouds scales may be seen just before the lightnings strike. Pigs left out during these storms disappear, leaving just their hooves and ash, and ships are torn to smoldering shreds. The Storm is always hungry, tearing ships and homes alike until it finds its prey - only sacrifices of flesh (at least 10 HD) may gain its blessing. Which is usually just not tearing you apart into embers.

The Storm takes the form of a flying mass of clouds, in the form of a seaserpent. The clouds form a mass of scales, held together by ligaments of thunder - if you are close enough to see it, then you are very fucked.

Stats: 8 HD, AC as Scale, armed with Lightning Fangs (deals 4d6 damage - halve if you are properly grounded). 4 MD (knows Lightning, Disintegration and Find Life). If killed, the sun scorches Seasalt in a heat wave for 4d6 weeks, until it returns in a horrible hurricane. If killed by poisoned flesh, it never returns, with some other deity taking over its place over weather after 1d6 years of suffering.

Salt

It is said that salt lives within all of the poisoned water of the sea, its tendrils permeating all. It is a god of death, preservation and corrosion. The souls of all who die at sea are said to be taken deep into the Salt, their souls to be eternally kept as mementos of a land about which Salt is said to be curious.

It takes the form of pieces of salt, swimming within a cloud of deep, blue water, inside of which souls of dead fishermen are seen. It wants pieces of the overworld, and in return may preserve anything in stasis. Attempts to steal its property (anything that fell from land into the sea) anger it instead.

Stats: 6! HD, AC as Plate (armor out of forsaken souls), 1d20 damage, or enough to shatter a small ship in one strike, 4 MD, knows Summon Ghosts, Corrosion, Salty Stasis. Its blood permanently drains 1d4 constitution if it enters a wound). If it dies, it reforms out of new salt and new souls in 4d6 weeks, during which strange lights of dead souls gathering in the sea, and the water from the sea is sweet, as all of the salt is gathering deep, where it is reforming. It may only be slain permanently if one goes down to where it is regenerating, and stabs seven daggers blessed by seven priests of seven gods into its body - that will free the souls permanently, but the salt (lowercase) will return in 2d6 years. The drinkability of the water does not infringe upon the ecosystem, as it is a magical effect.

Reef

The Reef is more than a single creature - it is an ecosystem, the intermingling of all the creatures that live in the see. It's the shallows, the connection to the outside world. It's in the bounty that one hauls out of the sea. It is the most impersonal of the sea gods, filling the sea life of the whole region. Instead of demanding sacrifices, it uses each creature killed by its "followers" teeth as a sacrifice. Instead of building temples, it treats every piece of coral as its temple. Instead of trying to get worship, it just incorporates more into itself. It is said that when flying over the coral reefs of Seasalt, when you look at the reef you can almost make out its face.

Stats: The Reef has no singular body, instead every creature encountered at sea or on the coast has a 1-in-10 chance to be Symbiotic (+1 HD, covered in coral). The behaviours of Symbiotic creatures seem to be mostly unaltered, but it furthers the incomprehensible agendas of the Reef (which is not a singular being, but an actual hive). Each sea creature that eats a part of a Symbiotic creature has a 1-in-10 chance to become Symbiotic themselves (humans are immune, unless they have Deep One's Blood). The offspring of Symbiotic creatures is also Symbiotic. The Reef will cover the whole sea one day.

#Seasalt